My Precious Angel-Part 2

We were back in Mok's place for Eid when we first told her the news-not that I was ready to share my special secret but only just to avoid my head from falling drop dead into the pot if she asked me to cook again..!We made her swore not to tell anyone. At the time my pregnancy blues were starting to get from bad to worse. I would vomit every time I had anything to eat. That was easy to manage though as it was still Ramadan, and I didn't have to do much eating during the day. Only at one time, I didn't feel like getting up and join them for Sahur-the early morning breakfast-as I was feeling really nauseating and for fear that our secret would show. I told Nizam to go ahead without me, and back in the room, I just had a box of soya bean and a plastic bag ready to pass out!

Later in the morning, my sisters in law kept teasing me saying that I wanted Mok or Nizam to actually come and feed me in the room...that I was too lazy to come out. I just smiled and pretended not to hear them...Mok had actually wanted to bring me a tray of food when Nizam had stopped her.

Raya came and I had to control myself from eating too much. I was beginning to vomit almost every other minute then. Travelling back to KL was a real torchure. I vomitted at every single bump all through the journey and not to mention that my back was screaming in pain all the way! That was really exhausting and by the time we got to Kuantan, i just couldn't take it anymore (we took the KT-Kuantan route to KL, passing through the seaside as there was a massive traffic jam in Gua Musang-Kuala Lipis route). I made Nizam stopped in Kuantan for the night before continuing our journey the next morning. It was quite nice actually, we found ourselves a little motel by the beach and had a good sleep. Soon after breakfast early in the morning, we hit the road again. Very relaxing and enjoyable journey back home to Shah Alam. I was just one month pregnant just then when all the other symptoms started to show....

My morning sickness wasn't just a morning sickness to begin with..,it was an all day sickness! I couldn't even look at the kitchen-let alone to go in and cook! I couldn't smell anything lemon (the bodywash, the dishwashing liquid, the air freshener..) and somehow. i couldn't even go in to the master bedroom that I felt like throwing out as well that we had to change room and stayed in the middle one. I still couldn't possibly eat or drink anything that i just had to live on glucose. Sleeping in the night was quite an experience too. It was awfully ticklish to turn on the side as the tiny zygote would follow me as well!

At 3 months of pregnancy, my appetite was picking and I was beginning to start craving and was starving most of the time! By hook or by crook, I needed to have my -3 piece per serving-ayam goreng kampung every day!...and when I ate...,it felt like the food was going down to a bottomless pit, that it took quite sometime for me to feel full!!! My tummy started to show then...,just like a little bump! Apart from my constant back ache, all the other symptoms were diminishing and I began to feel brand new! My skin was glowing, my hair was shining and I was positively radiant and happy! From day 1, Nizam treated me like I was a Queen all the time...not that he didn't treat me like one before, but being pregnant, it was double you know! Every morning before he goes off to work, he would prepare me breakfast and smother me with his soft butterfly kisses all over my face, and every other hour during the day he would text me asking me how I was getting on or just sending me love messages. Sometimes he would comeback to send me lunch...,shred out the chicken for me, and rush back to work! I thank God to be blessed with such a sweet husband..! I am trully gratefull!!!

We were at Jiji's (one of my many cousins) open house when we decided to reveal the news to Mama. I said, "Mum, kitaorang gi Jepun 3 orang nie..)" and she was sooooooo excited that she started to bug me for details!!! I laughed just looking at her-knowing that I had enjoyed carrying my precious baby for 3 months now without her knowing! She didn't mind the least bit about that. Her eldest daughter was giving her a grandchild! That was good enough!!! She had been waiting for this great news for ages, and this time, it was she who couldn't stop smiling!

Time went past really quickly and I was beginning to get heavy. At one time I couldn't even get up from the bed and walk! my back ache was killing me! Lucky Nizam came back at 10a.m from work after I replied his message asking me how I was doing. I was surprised that he did because I didn't tell him to come back, I just told him that I couldn't get up..! Anyway...,being a huge whale on two legs, it was a big effort for him to lift me up. I just needed the loo so badly. I cried each and every step that I took to the toilet. I just couldn't stand the pain. The next morning, Nizam went to work late after fetching Kak Mariah to give me a massage. It took her 3 days to get me back up walking again. Alhamdulillah..!!!,but Nizam was worried all the same. I was 7 months pregnant by then, I was looking really huge (everyone thought I was carrying twins) and my condition started to get bad again...About 5 weeks before I was due to give birth, hormonal reaction took place and I was feeling itchy from top to toe!!! I was scratching more than a monkey would do day and night!!! Initially I thought that i could bare with that, but I thought wrong! I just couldn't cope at all!!! We went to see a skin specialist and got some tablets...I managed to calm down and got some good sleep after that...and so did Nizam...,because otherwise i would be waking him up in the middle of the night or at some ungodly hour in the morning asking him to rub my back and I would be scratching everywhere else at the same time!!!-Sigh!!!-Looking back, it all seems funny now, and was such a beautiful experience though through that 40 weeks, I managed to experience all sorts of different pain I could ever imagine. It was also beautiful in the sense that I could see how much my husband trully loved me...and I was really touched and felt really loved with every single thoughtful gesture that he showed when he was taking care of me and I loved him even more...!!!

My Precious Angel-Part 1

Looking at my baby sleeping next to his daddy now, I can't believe how fast he had grown...just another week to go before he is 9 months old! Weighing 8.5kg, and standing at 71cm tall, he is quite a young man!

I could still remember the day when Nizam came back and told me the news that we were going to Japan...we were on the way to dinner then, and at the restaurant, I can't help feeling so elated that I felt like jumping with joy!!!...and a week later, somehow, I felt funny....

It was early Ramadan'06 when we were back in Kota Bharu for the weekend to break fast with Mok and Ayah. Mok had requested to eat my cooking. At the time, I was already feeling unwell but I couldn't exactly pinpoint what, for no reason, I was feeling awfully tired and had no energy to even get excited about Japan anymore!!!( Nizam had insisted me to do meatballs for dinner).Being a good daughter in law, I dare not turn down her request and dissapoint my husband...so i went along with them. We were out grocery shopping at about 11am, and by the time we got home, it was already afternoon. After saying my zohor prayers, I headed to the kitchen right away and started cooking....until I got to the last part when i was preparing the gravy, i felt like my head was about to drop into the pot!!! And just looking at the ladle stirring, made me feel like vomitting! I didn't think of anything unusual then...,that maybe I was just really tired and sick..!

It wasn't until we were back in Shah Alam three days later, that I felt really strange...like i was falling sick, but I was not... kind of thing...That was when I suspected that I was pregnant! We got a pregnancy test kit from the Guardian pharmacy just down the road from our place... and the result was positive!!! That took us by surprised!!! In fact, we were quite shocked...that we are having a little fella coming with us to Japan!!! Nizam held me tight when I first showed him the results...by the time, I was already in tears then...I don't know why, but it was a strange feeling knowing that I'm having someone growing inside me...it was a mixture of joy, scarred, worried, surprised...and secretly pleased!!! I made Nizam not to tell anyone until I was trully ready. Maybe, I just wanted to keep it a secret first, so that I could get connected and develop a bond with my baby before I want to share him/her with everyone. I needed time to get used to the idea of being pregnant. Nizam was okay with that...Maybe he needed time too...

Funny, but that was the time when I started to noticed mothers walking around with their kids...not that I never saw them before, but this time, it was really different!!! Everywhere I went, I tend to look at them...Mothers holding their child in the arms, holding hands, or just tending to the little ones. It never used to be a big deal to me...but that was really different! Also..,i began to noticed how cute tiny little clothes do look like!!! With that kind of thoughts, I was positively pregnant then no doubt! Anyway, just to double confirm, we did go to the clinic for another pregnancy test and to choose a gynea. Then, deep inside, I was already excited that I was going to be a Mummy!!! Still, I needed time, and it was especially nice to have this really really special secret growing inside me without anyone knowing but us..!!!

In Retrospect..

I don't know how to start this..,it has been a while since i keep a journal of my life..., not that i don't have anything to tell, i do, over and again,i've been compelled to write, i got words stuck in my brain, it's just that i've never got around to writing it down...Well anyway, here i am..!

Strange how life changes and goes..,now that am living in Japan, sometimes i can't help but reminiscing on how it used to be back then...,back to my old rotten life in USJ...living with my brother,a little vet working just to exist, lovelife...empty...I used to go out with a couple of friends, Dotty and her then boyfriend, Augy...the three of us..,and we would always joke about how nice isn't it..,that Augy has got two girlfriends without having to fight! Like almost everynight, we would hang out and have dinner together, or movies...,or maybe for a ride..,depending on Augy's mood of course!..,but that's about it. Inside me, life was still empty, like, a part of me, there was a huge part of me missing... Having being through an abused relationship before, I wasn't really looking forward for another serious relationship..., the emptiness remains...

Until one day, when i got really saturated and tired with work, i decided to let go...,without having any other place to go to, i just decided to take the plunge! Whether that would end up strangling my own neck or not, i didn't care! Work was no fun anymore and that I started to feel like vomitting just being there! I wrote my resignation letter, two months noticed as required. Dr. Siva couldn't make me stay anymore... , and I was counting days to get out of the clinic! Not that i didn't enjoy the work, but the working hours was too long, and the pay was too little, prices of things kept going up, and I lost interest! I thought, nevermind, we'll see how things go, and I'll go with the flow!That particular weekend..,the phone rang..,from someone that I had least expected to call me..., it was one of my Vet clients finding out how i was getting on...and I just said that I was jobless-and that was how I ended up being in the financial line selling trust funds!!!At least, i had something to do. A job. Rather than just sitting at home doing nothing...Maybe it was something that I was looking for, a job that doesn't really require me to punch card, a 9 to 5 kind of thing...I could work on my own time and on my own pace...That got me hooked. Being something new, and totally different from what I used to, it was kind of scarry as well...that i had to see people, instead of them coming to see me...I had to make phone calls, get appointments secured, if i was lucky enough, close a case. Or maybe just for a refferal...and that was when I 'bumped' into Mohd. Nizam Abd. Rahman. "My sister is coming down to my place. The children wants to swim, and I'm ordering pizza, can I call you back later?". Fine.

It was later in the evening when the phone goes off and it was him on the line...and we were hanging on for hours catching up with the news! As though that was not enough, we decided to meet..., and the rest is history!Looking back, i still remember, that, during one of those lazy weekends in my living room when he said that he has a chance to come over to Japan to work..,-based on seniority and luck!- and i immediately screamed "nak pergiiiiiiiiiii"...eventhough then i didn't know whether i was his girlfriend or not! Anyway, that got him into a serious thinking! Hahaha...!...and the beginning of serious discussions. Well, that was three years ago, in early 2005, when we decided to go serious and tie the knot. I didn't know that it was going to be so soon!!! I didn't know whether I was ready to give up my independence again or not! when he popped me the question, I was hesitant at first.., but then, when I looked into him, I realized that he's a rare gem, and i don't want to miss that! Through tears I said "Yes" off course! We were safely married in November'05, and went on a beautiful honeymoon in Bali immediately after...

In April'06, we decided to buy a place of our own. It was love at first sight...that little apartment that we got, and as though it was meant to be, things were happening really fast, that we decided to move in straight away! I was definitely excited off-course! A place of our own. How wonderfull!!! And i get to decorate the house just as I like it to be...Our own Heaven here on Earth!It was then, five months later, one day in September'06 when we got the news. Nizam came back from work, we were going out to Orkid Thai for dinner then when he asked me, "I've got good news and bad news, which one would you like to hear first?" "The bad one" I replied. Smiling, then he said, "The bad news is, we have to vacate our house in June next year and find a tenant, and the good news is that we are going to Japan!" I was screaming with joy and i couldn't help grinning from ear to ear upon hearing the news!!! That was really great!!! I knew how hard he had worked to deserve this and I couldn't help but felt very proud of him!!! After all the hardwork, competitions and nasty office politics, this is really GREAT, and our prayers had been answered!!! Alhamdulillah!!!And now, here I am pounding on this keyboard in our living room in Japan, with Umair, our beautiful 8 month old son sleeping peacefully next to me with his bottle in the mouth...and the sun is shining in through the window...